When I was one, I had just begun the day I went to sea,
I climbed aboard a pirate ship and the captain said to me,
"We're going this way, that way, forward backwards
Over the Irish Sea
A bottle of Rum to settle my tum,
And that's the life for me.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHH....

When I was two, I tied my shoe the day I went to sea
When I was three, I bumped my knee ...
When I was four, I shut the door ...
When I was five, I was still alive ...
When I was six, I gathered sticks ...
When I was seven, I was almost in heaven ...
When I was eight, I closed the gate ...
When I was nine, I was feeling fine ...
When I was ten, I started again.

Unofficial Club Song
Wild Rover

I've been a wild rover for many a year
And I spent all my money on whiskey and beer,
And now I'm returning with gold in great store
And I never will play the wild rover no more.

Chorus:
And it's no, nay, never,
No nay never no more,
Will I play the wild rover
No never no more.

I went to an alehouse I used to frequent
And I told the landlady my money was spent.
I asked her for credit, she answered me "nay
Such a custom as yours I could have any day."

Chorus:

I took from my pocket ten sovereigns bright
And the landlady's eyes opened wide with delight.
She said, "I have whiskey and wines of the best
And the words that I spoke sure were only in jest."

Chorus:

I'll go home to my parents, confess what I've done
And I'll ask them to pardon their prodigal son.
And if they forgive me as ofttimes before
Sure I never will play the wild rover no more.

Chorus:

If I were the Marrying Kind

If I were the marrying kind
I thank the lord I’m not sir
the kind of man that I would be
would be a rugby ……………..
prop sir (1 person)
prop sir?
'Cause I’d support a hooker (1 person)
and you'd support a hooker
we'd all support a hooker together
We’d be all right in the middle of the night
supporting hookers together

2nd row = sniff butt

Scrum half = put it in

Halftime orange = get sucked

Spectator on a rainy day = come in rubbers

Spectator on a sunny day = come again

Why Was He Born So Beautiful

Why was he born so beautiful
Why was he born at all
He's no fu**ing use to anyone
He's no fu**ing use at all
He ought to be publicly pissed on,
He ought to be publicly shot (bang, bang),
He should be tied to a urinal,
And left there to fester and rot.

Swing Low

Swing Low Sweet Chariot
Comin' for to carry me home;
Swing low, sweet chariot
Comin' for to carry me home.
I looked over Jordan, and
What did I see,
Comin' for to carry me home?
A band of angels comin' after me,
Comin' for to carry me home
Swing low, sweet chariot
Comin' for to carry me home
If you get there before I do
Comin' for to carry me home,

Tell all my friends I'm comin' too
Comin' for to carry me home
Swing low, sweet chariot
Comin' for to carry me home;
Sometimes I'm up,
Sometimes I'm down,
Comin' for to carry me home;
Yet still my soul feels heavn'ly bound,
Comin' for to carry me home
Swing low, sweet chariot
Comin' for to carry me home

Yogi Bear

I know a bear that you don’t know, Yogi, Yogi;
I know a bear that you don’t know, Yogi, Yogi Bear.
Yogi, Yogi Bear. Yogi, Yogi Bear.
I know a bear that you don’t know, Yogi, Yogi Bear.

Yogi has a little friend, Booboo, Booboo.
Yogi has a little friend, Booboo, Booboo Bear.
Booboo, Booboo Bear. Booboo, Booboo Bear
Yogi has a little friend, Booboo, Booboo.

Yogi has an enemy, Ranger, Ranger.
Yogi has an enemy, Ranger, Ranger Smith.
Ranger, Ranger Smith. Ranger, Ranger Smith.
Yogi has an enemy, Ranger, Smith.

Yogi likes it in the snow, Polar Bear.
Yogi likes it up side down, Koala Bear.
Yogi likes it in a car, Panda Bear.
Yogi's got a girlfriend, Suzy Bear.
Suzy likes it ‘gainst the fridge, Polar Bear.
Booboo likes it up the ass, Brown Bear.
Yogi has a 10" cock, Black Bear.
Etc

(To the song Yesterday)
Birth control, could be the saviour of your soul.
With your dick inside your girlfriends hole.
Oh, I believe in Birth control.
Suddenly, an unexpected pregnancy,
There's a shotgun hanging over me.
Yes I believe in Birth control. Why I had to cum I don't know I couldn't say.
I did something wrong, now I long for yesterday.
Syphilis, it all started with a simple kiss,
Now, it hurt when I take a piss.
Now I believe in Syphilis

Leprosy, What a sorry mess I am to see.
Even friends can't stand to look at me.
Oh, I despise my leprosy.
Gradually, I'm not half the man I used to be.
Pieces keep on falling off of me.
It happens now so gradually.
When my tongue fell off,
I don't know, I couldn't say.
I said, [*garbled*] "zump ping wong".
Now I long for that sweet day
When I had no
Leprosy.
Making with me could never be.
Yes, I've lost my chance for ecstasy.
Oh I despise
My leprosy.

On The First Day Of Rugby

On the first day of rugby,
my true love gave to me:
A hand job that wasn't worth a fuck,
WORTH A FU**.

On the second day of rugby,
my true love gave to me:
two mother fu**s, and
A hand job that wasn't worth a fu**,
WORTH A FU**.

Three French sucks
Four flying fu**s etc
FIVE ROUND THE WORLDS etc
Six Sixty-niners etc
Seven sleazy sisters etc
eight aching a**holes etc
nine naughty nipples etc
Ten tonnes of titties x10 etc
eleven lesbians licking etc
Twelve twats a twitching etc

Sloop John B

We sailed on the Sloop John B, my Grandfather and me
around Nottingham town we did roam
drinking all night, got into a fight
I feel so broke up, I wanna go home.

So hoist up the John B sails
see how the main sail sets
call for the Captain ashore let me go home,
let me go home, let me go home, I feel so broke up
I wanna go home.

The first mate he got drunk
broke in the Captains trunk
the constable had to come and take him away
the sheriff John Stone, why don't you leave me alone
I feel so broke up I wanna go home.

Chorus

The poor cook he got the fits
threw away all of the grits
and then he went and ate all of my corn
Oh let me go home, why don't ya let me go home
I feel so broke up I wanna go home.

Chorus

The Captain's a wicked man
beats up on us whenever he can
he don't give a damn about pappy and me
I wanna go home, why don't you leave us alone
this is the worst trip I've ever been on.

So hoist up the John B sails
see how the main sail sets
call for the Captain ashore let me go home,
let me go home, let me go home, I feel so broke up
I wanna go home.

I Used To Work In Chicago

CHORUS:I used to work in Chicago
In an old department store.
I used to work in Chicago
But I don't work there any more.
A woman came in to the store one day asking for a dress,
’’A dress from the store?’’ (all ask)
a jumper she asked for so jump her I did,
I don't work there anymore.
A woman came in into the store one day asking for a card,
’’A card from the store?’’ (All ask),
poker she asked for so poke her I did,
I don't work there anymore.

Etc

Sing Us Another One

There was a young lady from Ealing
who had a peculiar feeling
so she laid on her back
opened her crack
and pissed all over the ceiling
OH THAT WAS A TERRIBLE SONG, SING US ANOTHER ONE JUST LIKE THE OTHER ONE SING US ANOTHER ONE DO, DO, DO, DO,DO,DO,DO,DO,DO,DO,DO,DO,DO,DO,DO
There was a young man from st Paul’s
who toured all the great music halls
his favourite trick
was to stand on his prick
and roll off the stage on his balls
CHORUS etc

Tampax Factory

You can tell by my smell, that I'm not feeling well,
When the time of the month comes around.
You can tell by my smell, that I'm not feeling well,
When the time of the month comes around.

Oh, we are the girls from the Tampax Factory,
SHOUT We'rer orders loud and clear (loud and clear),
We've got small, medium, large, super duper, fill-a-barge,
When the time of the month comes around!

You can tell by my stench, that I've got a gammy trench,
When the time of the month comes around.
(Repeat)

chorus

You can tell by my string, that you won't be doing a thing,
When the time of the month comes around.
(ALL Repeat)

chorus etc

Old King Cole

Old King Cole was a merry old soul,
and a merry old soul was he,
He called for his wife in the middle of the night...
And he called for his fiddlers three.
Now every fiddler had a very fine fiddle,
And a very fine fiddle had he,
Fiddle dee diddle dee diddle dee, said the fiddlers,
What merry merry men are we,
There's none so fair as can compare,
With Notts Casuals R.F.C.
chorus
And he called for his tailors three.
Now every tailor had a very fine needle,
And a very fine needle had he,
Stick it in and out, in and out, said the tailors,
Fiddle dee diddle dee diddle dee, said the fiddlers,
What merry merry men are we,
There's none so fair as can compare,
With the Penguins R.F.C.
The jugglers had two very fine balls
Throw your balls in the air
The butchers had choppers
Put it on the block, chop it off. etc